How do I talk to my partner about money without it being awkward?

Before you leap into the more serious money talks, learn the stories behind your partner’s financial beliefs. This isn’t about deciding if either of you have money styles that are “good” or “bad”. It’s about gaining insight into both of your financial behaviours and beliefs by understanding how money was earned, spent, saved and discussed as you were growing up. This will help your money discussions to take place without judgement or criticism.

Conversation starters:

• What was the greatest financial lesson you learned from your parents?
• How did your parents talk about money?
• What has been your greatest fear with your own finances?

It can be a challenge to balance your financial needs with those of your partner, but it’s an important step in securing long-term financial success for your family. Make a list of recurring monthly expenses, those that are shared as well as individual expenses, and compare this to your cash inflow for the month. As you budget together, prioritize needs over wants and be clear about what should come first and why. A great way to do this is to sit down together and use our budget calculator.

Conversation starters:

• What are we spending most of our money on these days?
• Is there an opportunity to cut back on our expenses? Which cuts will have the greatest impact on our ability to save?

Once you’ve examined your day-to-day habits, it’s time to think about the future. Discuss your financial goals and what you’re saving for. Prioritize your goals together, make them specific, measurable and actionable and identify a realistic time frame for achieving these goals.

Conversation starters:

• What is our number one financial priority this year?
• At what age do we want to retire? How do we want to spend our retirement?
• Do we want to pay for our children’s post-secondary education, or should they pay for some or all of it?

On top of managing everyday expenses and bills, many couples also juggle competing financial goals. For example, while you may have saved early for your kids’ education, this may have compromised your retirement savings. Whatever it is that’s gnawing at you, it’s important to talk openly about it and discuss what steps you can take together to reduce that anxiety. Seeking the help of an advisor can go a long way in alleviating your fears. The advisor will take the time to discuss your money concerns, share strategies to help you take control of your financial situation and build an action plan to meet your financial goals.

Conversation starters:

• Are we on track to meet our savings goals?
• Do we have a plan to pay off our debt — credit card, line of credit, mortgage?
• If an emergency were to happen, how financially prepared are we?

Confronting the possibility of a death or serious illness is uncomfortable, but planning ahead can help you ensure your specific wishes are carried out. If you want to make sure your children are looked after in a certain way or want to leave a legacy to a certain charity, your estate plan can help make that happen. It’s important to make these decisions together and communicate your plan. An advisor can help guide you in creating an estate plan and will engage the right experts to ensure your wishes are fulfilled.

Conversation starters:

• How would we like to distribute our assets and to whom — for example, to our children, loved ones, charities?
• Has anything changed recently that requires us to update our will?
• What happens to our family’s financial wellbeing if one of us gets sick? Who’s going to make important decisions for our children in the case of a death?

Ultimately, you need to be open and honest. If you’re not on the same page at first, try to understand each other’s point of view. In the end, the subject of money is like most everything else in relationships: it works best when you’re both involved and engaged, and it all comes down to communication.