How to talk to your parents about their estate plan
Taking the time to understand your parents’ intentions and estate plan puts you in a better position to help with their needs and honour their wishes.
CIBC
Oct. 04, 2021
4-minute read
Have you discussed estate planning with your parents? If your answer is no, you’re not alone.
A CIBC study Opens in a new window. found more than 60% of Canadians with parents aged 65 and over haven’t started discussing care or financial needs with them, and 40% feel uncomfortable broaching the topic because they worry about appearing disrespectful.
Conversations about death and money can be difficult and emotional, especially when they involve thinking about and planning for the loss of a parent or loved one.
However, as our population ages and Canadians live longer, managing the needs of aging parents is becoming a growing responsibility for many families.
Taking the time to understand your parents’ intentions and basic elements of their estate plan puts you in a better position to be able to help with their needs and honour their wishes. It also reduces the pressure and uncertainty that naturally comes with these sensitive situations, which can help with a smoother transition of assets by lowering the risk of family stress and conflict when the time comes.
Preparing for a difficult conversation: 7 questions to ask
Here are 7 important topics to discuss with your parents that may help start the process.
1. Do you have a will?
- When was your will last updated?
- Do you have an executor and backup executor? Have you talked to them about their tasks and responsibilities?
- Have you planned beneficiaries for your personal assets, retirement accounts, annuities and insurance policies?
2. Who will make decisions for you if you can't speak or act for yourself?
- Have you made a power of attorney for personal care and/or finances?
- Does the person you appointed in your power of attorney understand their responsibilities, and have they provided their consent?
- What are your medical preferences? Have you considered a living will or personal directive to help communicate any end-of-life care you'd like to receive (for example. CPR, mechanical ventilation, non-intervention)?
3. Have you considered future healthcare costs?
- Do you have the right health insurance plan to help manage increasing medical expenses in years to come?
- Does your existing insurance cover possible disability, long-term care or life-assurance needs?
- What are your living wishes in the years to come? When thinking about future care options, do you have a preference between assisted-living facilities or having an aide assist you in your own home? What are your plans for managing the costs of this type of long-term care?
- Would you like the family to be more involved in your care? If so, how can we divide the responsibilities?
4. What should I know if something were to happen to you?
- Where do you keep important documents and assets like your will, mortgage, insurance policies, pension, banking details, online account passwords, safety deposit box and keys?
- Have you made an inventory of important physical assets as well as financial ones?
- How do I contact your lawyer, advisor and accountant?
5. Have you considered tax, probate and estate-administration costs?
- Are there any outstanding debts or taxes that might affect your plans?
- What are your plans for your home? Do you have any concerns over an outstanding mortgage or any other financial matters we might be able to address now?
6. What are your funeral wishes?
- What type of service would you like with respect to a funeral or memorial?
- Do you have any preferences, such as a burial or cremation, viewing, location and attendees?
7. What type of legacy would you like to leave?
- Are there any charities and organizations you’d like to support?
- Are there any family members you’d like to support (for example younger siblings or grandkids, family members with disabilities)?
Everyday opportunities to ease into a difficult topic
Once you know the questions you'd like answered, how do you broach these sensitive topics?
Often, our everyday interactions present us with an opportunity to start the conversation.
Talk about your advisor
"My advisor asked me about my will and powers of attorney. Is that something you've thought about? Have you met with an advisor to discuss yours?"
Ask about future plans
"When you think about your next stage in life, what's important to you? Let's discuss your wishes and how we can accomplish them."
Reference the story of a family or friend
"It's interesting that you mention them. What did they do when they got sick and passed away? What would you have wanted from your family if it was you?"
Share an article or invite them to an event
"There's a local event on estate planning coming up. Would you like to attend it with me?"
How to make the most of your estate-planning discussions
- Have the conversations early. Don’t wait until there’s a crisis. Talk with your parents about their estate plans while they're healthy, not when emotions and stress levels are high due to an unexpected event.
- Be patient. It's not one and done. Consider having an ongoing conversation with your parents.
- Stay organized. Keep notes from each conversation. To help make sure key items aren't missed, maintain an estate-planning checklist (PDF, 270 KB) Opens in a new window..
As difficult as it might be, a conversation about estate planning could be one of the most important discussions your family has. We're here to help.
This is an update of an article originally published in July, 2019.
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