Raising kids, helping parents: 4 tips to avoid burnout

“Planning is critical,” says Lana Robinson, Head of Ultra-High Net Worth Private Banking and CIBC Family Office. “Supporting others should not mean sacrificing your own financial wellbeing. Plan for these situations early on.”

Robinson has seen many caregivers face financial and emotional challenges, particularly when it comes to understanding their parents’ plans. That’s why she suggests asking the following questions:

• What have your parents set aside financially?
• What are their wishes with respect to their aging care?
• Do they want to stay in their home and receive care or move to a long-term care facility?
• How much will this cost?

That’s the key word: cost.

“A thoughtfully constructed financial plan can account for different circumstances of life, such as long-term care and financial support for aging parents,” Robinson says. An advisor can help you build that plan in a way that will allow you to balance your caregiving priorities with your own goals for retirement.  

“Bringing in a spouse or other family members to help can be one critical step,” Robinson says. “Sharing the caregiving responsibilities with other family members can be critical for your own self-care,” she explains, adding that many women often view caregiving as their obligation.

There are other places to look for help, like community caregiver programs. Sometimes they have reduced rates for services and support groups for family members where they can talk about their experiences. 

In Ontario, for example, the Ontario Caregiver Organization has a 24/7 Ontario Caregiver Helpline, peer support groups and online support. “These can be a great source of help and information about resources that are available,” Robinson says. “Explore these options fully to help you cope with the many demands on your time.”

It can feel like the elephant in the room, but having open communication with parents and siblings is a key step in planning from a financial and care standpoint. “Foster open communication with parents and siblings early,” says Robinson. “Ideally, you should have a family meeting with your parents, spouse and siblings to develop a plan for care and end-of-life.”

To make these conversations less uncomfortable, Robinson suggests letting these discussions come up organically. Talk about the situation impacting a friend, colleague or relative and then eventually turn the conversation back to your family. Ask your parents about their own situation: What did they experience with their parents? What worked? What do they wish they could have done differently? This can open the door to a broader conversation.

“It’s best to start small and work your way up to the potentially thornier subjects,” says Robinson. “It’s a lot to address all at once, so it’s more likely to be successful as a series of conversations.” 

A number of tax relief and government benefits are available to caregivers, from the Canada Caregiver Credit to the disability tax credit, to a host of tax credits for expenses, such as medical and home renovations. It’s important to find out about them and work through the details.

“An advisor or your tax professional will know about these credits and can steer you in the right direction,” Robinson says. This type of planning can potentially save you money in the long run when you need it most. 

Doing your own financial planning can be difficult. Financial planning for three generations is even harder. Remember, you don’t have to figure it all out on your own. It’s worthwhile to start early, think ahead and utilize the expertise of professionals to put a detailed plan together.