Estate-planning conversations: Awkward but essential

As a parent, you want to know your family is taken care of and well prepared for their future. Perhaps there’s a family vacation home you want to see passed down and enjoyed by generations. Or maybe there’s a treasured family heirloom you have specific wishes for.

There are many variables that are out of our control, but estate planning is one way you can remove some of that uncertainty. When there’s grief and strong emotions involved, the lack of a clear estate plan could potentially create stress and disrupt family harmony. So having conversations about your estate plan now may help your family develop a shared common understanding of the future.

As a child with aging parents, you may want to broach the conversation but fear coming off as disrespectful. Estate planning conversations are not about asking how much money your parents have, they’re about understanding their wishes so you can support them and be prepared.

It also reduces the pressure and uncertainty that naturally comes in these sensitive situations, and when the time comes, it can help with a smoother transition of assets by lowering the risk of family stress and conflict. Help your parents understand where you’re coming from and why you want to have these conversations.

These are the most common estate-planning conversation topics.

1. Making an estate plan and keeping it updated

If you own anything at all, then you should have an estate plan. At minimum, that includes a will that describes how your assets should be distributed and an estate representative to carry out what’s set out in the will. Work with a lawyer to design an estate plan unique to your specific needs. If your situation is not that complex, you may want to look into online services that offer information on basic estate plans.

You may also want to brush up on your knowledge of basic estate planning (PDF, 50 KB) Opens in a new window. and some common mistakes to avoid (PDF, 130 KB) Opens in a new window. when designing a will. Keeping your estate plan updated is also important because life changes and so, too, might your decisions. Key moments that signal a change to your estate plan include marriage or separation, welcoming a new child into the family, the passing of a loved one, a change in financial circumstances or changes in health, just to name a few.

2. Deciding on advanced care and medical plans

These include any medical-related preferences if you’re unable to make decisions yourself in the moment. This could be appointing an attorney under a Power of Attorney for Personal Care¹, notifying the person you’ve chosen, getting their agreement to take on the responsibility and clarifying any questions they may have about the decisions made².

3. Planning for the management of financial obligations

By appointing an attorney under a Power of Attorney for Property¹, you grant that person permission to conduct financial transactions on your behalf. Financial responsibilities may include the management of day-to-day finances, investments, real estate and bank accounts.

Just like the Power of Attorney for Personal Care, ensure the person appointed as attorney is aware and prepared to take on this responsibility.

For more information on Powers of Attorney for Property or Personal Care, check out You’ve got the power! Planning for incapacity (PDF, 155 KB) Opens in a new window..

It's also important to review your designated beneficiaries for registered accounts (RRSPs, RRIFS and TFSAs), insurance policies, annuities and employer pension and/or benefit plans, and ensure they align with any provisions in your will.

4. Knowing the location of important documents and files

Make sure the appointed people know where to find important documents and information related to your estate plans, which should be stored in a safe, accessible place. Providing your representatives with instructions for accessing digital assets, such as social media, e-mails, digital currency, etc. is also a good idea. Lastly, give your representatives the contact information for key participants, such as lawyers, accountants, advisors and those appointed to carry out specific duties.

5. Envisioning your celebration of life

If you have any specific requests for how you’d like things to be carried out, such as funeral arrangements, let everyone know. Give them the heads-up now, so they can be prepared when the time comes.

6. Painting a picture of your legacy

How you want to be remembered is very personal. It’s important for others to understand what you envision, so they can help build that legacy. Consider the charities or organizations you’d like to support and family members you’d like to gift to.

Planning ahead and communicating what you want can best prepare for these wishes to be carried out. You may even want to consider gifting now so you can watch your loved ones enjoy their gifts, but speak to your lawyer to understand the potential tax implications of gifting, now or upon death.

It all comes down to staying organized and communicating early. Stay organized by leveraging tools like our Estate Planning Checklist (PDF, 270 KB) Opens in a new window.. Engage in the conversations while everyone is still of sound mind and health, giving everyone more confidence in the direction going forward. You can also reference our conversations to have with your kids (PDF, 510 KB) Opens in a new window. and conversations to have with your parents (PDF, 390 KB) Opens in a new window..

Don’t be afraid to ask for help either. Your advisor can bring together a team of experts to help you get started. You can also introduce your estate representative, attorney and beneficiaries to your advisor, who can be a key person in helping pull things together.

¹In Quebec, a power of attorney is also called a mandate and the attorney is called the mandatary.

²In Quebec, a mandate of protection (in case of incapacity) becomes effective upon the occurrence of incapacity and homologation by the court.