How to talk to your kids about your estate plan
Discussing your estate plan now may help your family develop a shared understanding of the future.
CIBC
Oct. 04, 2021
5-minute read
When it comes to the future, there are many variables that are out of our control. Estate planning is one way you can remove some of that uncertainty. An estate plan can help lay the groundwork for your wishes (regarding your property and your healthcare) to be fulfilled, your wealth to be preserved and your assets to be transitioned smoothly to your beneficiaries.
When an estate plan is done right, it can give you a sense of peace knowing you and your family are well prepared for the future.
While many people may recognize the importance of drafting a will as part of their estate plan, most don’t realize that communicating the details and your intentions can be just as important.
Talking to your family about your estate plan can be a sensitive topic, one many families tend to avoid. However. by putting off this conversation, you risk leaving the outcome to chance.
With grief and strong emotions involved, the lack of a clear estate plan can create stress and disrupt family harmony. It can also erode the value of your estate by increasing the cost and time it takes to administer, meaning less wealth for your loved ones. Having discussions about your estate plan now may help your family develop a shared common understanding of the future.
5 critical topics in estate-planning discussions
If you already have an updated will, you're off to a good start, but a comprehensive estate plan also means making powers of attorney, selecting an executor and more.
Here are some topics to discuss with your loved ones.
1. These are my intentions for my estate and what's important to me:
- Outline your priorities in the next stages of your life (e.g., the wellbeing of children or grandchildren, your future care needs, your legacy toward family or charity) and explain why they're important to you.
- If you have a will, consider sharing its details and make sure your family knows where to find a copy. If you don’t have one, consider having one drafted. Your will should be reviewed when major life events occur so it continues to reflect your wishes.
- Share whom you have selected to perform important roles, such as executor of your estate. Make sure your chosen individuals have provided consent. Discuss the scope of their responsibilities.
2. Here are my advanced care and medical plans:
- Consider making a power of attorney for your personal care and let your family know who you have appointed.
- Detail your wishes for long-term care. Tell your family your medical wishes if you become unable to speak or act for yourself due to illness or injury (for example, life-sustaining procedures, CPR, mechanical ventilation, end-of-life care).
- Consider establishing a living will or personal directive and sharing these details with your family.
3. Here's how I'd like my financial responsibilities carried out:
- Consider making a power of attorney for your property and finances. Make sure the person you select is aware of the level of responsibility involved.
- Your closest family should be aware of whom you appointed in your power of attorney. Explain to them why you chose the individual(s) to carry out this role.
4. This is how I envision my celebration of life
- Prepare and communicate your instructions for funeral arrangements and other ways to honour your memory.
- Outline your preferences, such as burial or cremation, and the location, format and invitees for your memorial service.
- If you have a plan to cover funeral expenses, be sure to share those details with your family.
5. This is what you'll need
- Your closest family should know where to locate your key documents (wills, powers of attorney, bank accounts, passwords, etc.) in a safe yet accessible place.
- Does your spouse or partner know how to access your online accounts or any other important digital assets (for example, digital currency, email, social media and other accounts)?
- Tell your loved ones where they can find the contact information of your executor, individuals with powers of attorney, estate-planning specialists, lawyers and advisors who helped you draft your estate plan and any financial or investment plants.
Starting the conversation
Talking about your estate plan with a family member is a delicate topic. Selecting the right time, place and people for this conversation is critical. The opportunity to broach the subject may come up more times than you think. Special events, holidays, family gatherings and family trips are usually calming times when people are more emotionally available. Here are some opportunities to start the conversation.
Sharing stories about friends and family
"I was thinking about what happened to (a family or friend). I want to plan ahead so I don't become a burden to you or anyone else. Let's talk about how we can prevent this from happening to us."
Talking about retirement life
"I've been thinking about my retirement, and I want to be able to (leave something for charity). I want to share my plans in case they impact you."
Discussing a treasured family asset
"I've always loved our (family property or heirloom) and have been thinking a lot about it lately. I wanted to share some ideas on my plans for it down the road."
Thinking about the future of family members
"I want to help (a younger family member) with their education savings. I have some ideas on how to do that, but I would like to discuss them with you."
How to make the most of your estate-planning discussions
- Communicate early. Don't wait until there's a crisis. Talk to your kids about your estate plan while you're still healthy, not when emotions and stress levels are high due to an unexpected event.
- Stay organized. Keep notes from each conversation. To help make sure key items aren't missed, maintain an estate-planning checklist (PDF, 270 KB) Opens in a new window..
- Practice often. Every attempt at the conversation is valuable. Consider writing a letter or practicing the conversation with a friend. Have a series of conversations over time to share more information or any updates.
Estate planning involves more than simply preparing for the inevitable. We're here to help. Your advisor can help bring together a team of experts to help you get started.
This is an update of an article originally published in July, 2019.
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